I wasn’t around when Star Wars happened - being born in ‘83 I escaped the whole fanfare. I remember having a Luke Skywalker toy but I didn’t know who he was at the time so he usually got beat up by He-Man or run over by Optimus Prime.
I didn’t come across Star Wars until the special editions in 1997 and enjoyed them. I thought they were a little ropey but could see why they we’re held up in such high esteem. That’s how it should have ended.
Ten years later we have a trilogy of weak prequels that completely watered down the whole thing - yet no ones seems to mind this. Magazines still write features and film blogs get excited by anything to do with it, from Darth Vader cookie jars to R2D2 bins. WOW!
Last week the internet got giddy at the prospect of another cash in - a CGI cartoon called Star Wars: Clone Wars set between Episode 2 and 3. I couldn’t quite quantify my main beef with Star Wars until I read about this new series.
MAIN BEEF QUANTIFIED: This series is about the clone wars that took place in the second and third film. Why is this a problem? Because it points out that up until this little spin off, there was no actual Star War on screen in the new films.
When the new trilogy was first mentioned, people got excited about seeing the Clone Wars as mentioned by Ben Kenobi, but the whole thing happened off-screen.
Phantom Menace was about trade negations breaking down (or something). I seem to remember a blockade of some sort but no war. Then Attack Of The Clones gave us the beginning of the clone wars and ended as the war was just about to kick off.
Surely the third film will show an actual star war! It would be a bit late but surely now is the time to show me the war…. Nope, along comes Revenge Of The Sith and it starts at the arse end of a three-year intergalactic battle.
Only now does George decide to show it - Really? The actual Clone Wars are gonna be a cartoon series?
It shouldn’t be called Star Wars. Half of the title implies a war. It’s exactly 50% of the title yet the whole WARS part happened off-screen.
In the real world I rage about this! Not because the new films pissed on my childhood like actual fans have complained but because I need to balance out the series’ unearned praise. At first I just shrugged my shoulders but I’m sick of the way people can still get excited about a cartoon spin off or a Potato Head Darth Vader.
When I see Star Wars topping best-of lists or people filling in forms claiming their religion as Jedi, I feel a need to make up for this by complaining about it - LOUDLY.
I shall complain no longer as I don’t want to give it any more undue attention. I have decided Star Wars is a petulant attention seeking little child. I (we) need to not give it any more attention in the hope it will start behaving itself.
Film fans should not pander to its demand for attention. Every couple of years it screams: ‘Look at me, I’ve got sequels!’ ‘Look at me, I’ve been remastered!’ ‘Look at me, I’m Special Edition.’ ‘Oh, Oh, Look at me, I’ve got prequels.’
It’s time it was made to sit on the naughty step and think about what it’s done.
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